The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
