Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize