What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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