i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
