just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
