dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have aggressive nipples.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
