he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
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Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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