Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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