It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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