Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
