You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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