I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
