i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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