"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
