I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
