It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
