god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
