My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
