Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
