The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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