I wish I only lived at night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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