Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
