I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
