Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
