Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
