My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
