i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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