my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
