Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize