dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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