you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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