Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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