Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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