Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
