I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
