I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
