We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
