1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
