He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
