I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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