Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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