I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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