she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
