Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
