So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.