she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
