I wanna bring you to show and tell
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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