i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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