guys are not supposed to queef...right?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
