im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
