mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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