i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
