he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
