I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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