If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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