her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
