There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
