After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
