I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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