She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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