Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
