Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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