i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
as a side note pls kill me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
