I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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