If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize