remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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